Sunday, February 10, 2008

Winter Wasteland

OK, so, it's -312 degrees today in the Upper Midwest, the Siberia of America.

God, I hate winter. Even though I'm a former FIS World Cup skier, I...hate...winter!!! I need to move closer to the equator, man. Perhaps the mountains just outside Panama City, Panama. Yeah, that'll work. But this shit...no thanks anymore.

Which brings me to another point: Why are people here so ignorant? A woman I talked to the other day has always wanted to move to Denver. But, she said, "I love the four seasons, so I stay here." What??? People in the Twin Cities have been sold a bogus bill of goods; everyone in Minnesota believes the press when they say it's a great place to live, that it's Utopia. Why? It's -312 degrees all winter; traffic's a bitch; crime's on the rise yet again; ninety-nine percent of the population is, on average, ninety-nine pounds overweight; and the state boasts one of the highest property taxes and income taxes in America. For what? Where's the weather? The jobs? The tax incentives? The beach? The damn mountains??? (Not to mention those cherished "four seasons"? As far as I can see, it's winter for eight months, then summer for four.) And the "culture" we're "renowned" for...please. We don't even have a regional, touring dance company! Even Winnipeg has a touring dance company, man.

I had to tell the woman that there are four seasons in Colorado as well. But, instead of maple reds, you get aspen yellows. "Oh, really? I didn't know that." How the hell could you when you believe everything some sheltered, biased idiot on the radio or TV tells you about this hell-hole. At least I have the excuse that I moved back to look after my parents. Now, my father is dead, and I wonder: How fast can I get out of this place???? I'll openly say it at the risk of alienating certain readers: I hate the Midwest with zest! It's flat, damp and cold, and really fucking gloomy.

I also read today that 82% of all Americans will remain their entire lives near the cities in which they were born. Wow! Double wow!! That's kind of sad. I mean, that makes me wonder how we ever discovered the Wild West. Really, that's absurd when you think about it. I've seen 22 countries and more than 300 cities. I've lived in eight different states. I STILL feel like I haven't seen enough! But, the rest of my family is true to that 82%, so...it must be correct.

Anyway...I've provided a link herein to the first chapter of a book I'm currently penning called Nerve Gas. It's a social satire that takes place in Denver. It's got a bit of profanity, vulgarity, and all that good stuff. But, I know it'll be highly entertaining when done. So, if you want to read a book as it's being written, in rough draft form, click here for the PDF (chapter one).

As well, the audiobook version of Bee Balms & Burgundy is now at the studio being mastered. Thus, it should be available to all in the next two weeks. You'll want to pick it up, as it may be the best audiobook you'll hear this year; it's a masterpiece, my friends.

Stupid quote of the week:

“It reminds me of being in the Army, even though I was in the Navy.”
- Baseball great Yogi Berra, when discussing the Broadway musical Biloxi Blues


Until next time...

Peace & Luv

NP

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If you enjoy strong-but-feminine women, sexy love stories, hot romance stories, romantic fiction, romance novels, sensual fiction, women's fiction, sentimental fiction, great novellas, award-winning fiction, Nicholas Sparks, Nora Roberts, or Richard Paul Evans, you can read a sample of Nelson's Bronte Prize-winning novella, Bee Balms & Burgundy, right now for free HERE. (See for yourself why it beat out Nicholas Sparks, Nora Roberts, and Richard Paul Evans, among others, for the title of "North America's Best Love Story of the Year." [Bronte Prize results are HERE.])